My first STD was from a foam party
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
