i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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