It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
