May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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