right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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