I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
