I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
