I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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