you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
