I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
