Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
