My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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