Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize