ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
