how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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