My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
