she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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