dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
