ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
