dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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