girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
