Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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