my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
