3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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