apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
