areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
