The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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