Will you blow on my dice?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
