I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
