no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
