How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize