I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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