What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
