Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
