Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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