my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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