I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
