I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
smell my finger.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
