My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
