Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
