Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
