So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
