Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
