you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
