Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
