Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My feet surprised me
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