I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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