What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
