I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
