she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I need to sanitize my soul.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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