Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
