ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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