I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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