i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
