Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
