I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
