shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
