The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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