If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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