my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
