So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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