i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
