Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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