Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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