eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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