Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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