Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
