4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
