a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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