She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize