I don't usually arrange sex via text message
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
