we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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