atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
