so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
