It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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