nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
