I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
