If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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