I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize