i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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