I got chris browned last night
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
