sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
