I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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