Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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