um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
