sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
