Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
