No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
