I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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