loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
