maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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