ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
