dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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