i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
