my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
