Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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