Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i wish my penis had a tongue
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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