I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
