babies were throwing up all over the place
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
