i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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