maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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