I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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