So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
