Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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