I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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