At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Terrible idea I love it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
