It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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