Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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