Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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