How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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